Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
