Apparently you make a good broom.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
