Umm I'm too high to move.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
you had me at cake vodka
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Randomize
