I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
and she was petting her beer can
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
