You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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