Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
there is glitter all over my balls
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize