There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
