The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
