And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
