is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
we're making bets on your personal life
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
