I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I'm like, not good at living.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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