i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
