I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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