I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Randomize
