apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
