I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
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