areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
