she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
