I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
