do herpes really smell.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
