Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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