Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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