Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
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