It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It's not a walk of shame if you run
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
