That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
