I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
