evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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