well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
