How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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