I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
