I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
