You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
