Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
