some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
