Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
