I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
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