My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
Randomize