the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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