I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Randomize
