the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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