He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
