I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
