rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
