I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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