I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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