I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
