i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
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