The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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