No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
