Heybabeimwearingurpanties
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
