I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
