I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
Randomize
