I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
