My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Randomize
