Do you still have your period?
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Randomize
