just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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