He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Randomize
