I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
