I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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