I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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