i can't believe i had my finger in that
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize