Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
