mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
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