Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
