Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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