I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
