From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
She announced her abortion via fbk
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize