Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
