i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
