I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Randomize
