im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
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