True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
