twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
